I have never stopped to take the time to give thanks to the man who helped my mother create me. It’s probably because I have a Daddy who proved that love is thicker than blood. However, I must give credit where it’s due.

To the “man” who gave me nothing but life:

I want to thank you for the fact that you were an addict. Because of you, I never gave myself the chance to get hooked on hard drugs. I hated them because of what you did to my mother when you used them.

Because of you, I will never be in an abusive relationship. I can be a beautiful woman still without having battered insides from the world of deception you created with the life you lived.

Because of you, my Mama found a strength she never knew she had. She vowed to raise me to be independent and never have to depend on anyone but myself so that I could make it on my own. That’s one of my best qualities.

Because of you, my Mama got her life back. She got sick of the bullshit and learned that we cannot always control bad things that happen in our lives, but we can sure surround ourselves with positive people to sort of even out the ratio.

I have a man that I call my Daddy because of you. Because you were never there, a real man was. My Mama flew up here to these beautiful mountains of North Carolina, accompanied by my sweet Memaw, and left the Lonestar state to start over. That’s what family does. They stick together. Because of you, I love my own family even more, and I was raised right beside a Memaw who believed I was the absolute world. I may not have had the bond I do with her if you were still around. Thank you.

Life with you was like looking at a false reflection every day. Mama saw one image, and she couldn’t see past the life she had with you- until you shattered that mirror. Once it was broken, the cracks allowed my mother to see the light through the darkness, and she saw there were other paths out there. She saw that she still had a future- that she didn’t have to raise me with you. I am so glad you shattered that mirror. It gave my Mama the ability to break free. Because of you, my Mama had me. She always says that’s why she wouldn’t trade what she went through for anything, because she got her baby girl.

I was given a choice to decide if I wanted to reach out and make contact with you when I was 16. My parents never dogged you. Some of my family, however, did share stories of how you were. I chose not to try and find you. That was a choice I made on my own. I didn’t need you, because you didn’t need me. Luckily I am not a greedy person, so I didn’t feel like adding another life to my circle. I was raised that the circle won’t be unbroken, and I feared that you may break that line.

On the contrary, I worried that if I met you, you would feel even more inadequate than you probably already did after hearing about my Daddy. You would never be able to amount to the man he is. You would never be able to fill those shoes. So I did the honors of allowing you to bow out gracefully from a stage you never played on to me. You could be like The Phantom of the Opera that was never shown.

I don’t hate you. I would never come visit your grave, but I would never spit on it. I am grateful that you gave me life. I kind of feel bad for you, because I don’t think you knew how to truly love- I don’t think you loved yourself. There are two kids in my life that I will make sure know they are loved beyond measure, because that is what my family does. We love. We forgive. We take pride in who we are.

I hope that as your body returns to the dust of the earth that your soul can find some peace.

Sometimes doing nothing for a person can in return give them everything. You being a nobody in my life made me a real somebody.

Any man can be a father; it takes a special man, a real man, to be a Daddy. I feel sorry for you that you never earned that title in this life. I’ll give you props, though- you made one hell of a kid.