I always thought I had all of the answers when I was younger. Then 18 rolled around, and I knew nothing but thought I knew it all. Five years later, my Memaw passed away and I would begin to flashback to things she told me growing up and realize that so much she had said truly made sense. In return, that also made me stop and realize that the things my parents told me probably held some pretty significant validations, as well.

Here I am, and I am 30 years old. I have lived a life full of love- more love than most could probably fathom. I have had so many people be there for me in times when I needed someone the most- all because they said “you would do the same for me, and you have before matter of fact.” Yet this year, I had to learn the hardest lesson I have ever learned in my life. I had to leave my comfort zone of ten years and chase dreams instead of settling for steady and guaranteed stability. By the way, stability does not always mean sanity. The two can be very different. Sometimes a stable environment can still possess negativity and be toxic for the soul.

There are so many apples from the tree of life that we can choose from. Some are sour. Some are beautiful on the outside, but the inside is purely rotten. Some don’t appear to be anything special, but one bite of it and you realize it is the most beautiful one you could have ever chosen. I know that my life passion is to help people. I am an Aquarius, and it is in my blood. It’s my nature. We like to live a life that feels as though you have made some kind of impact on others for the better of society. If I am not doing that, my soul does not feel fulfillment.

There have been so many signs leading me to chase my dreams. I refused to accept them, because I didn’t want to leave behind some that I loved with all my heart. Yet, I was told by my parents that those who truly care would understand and support me no matter what. I never knew that this would reveal that the support was not there from one I expected to have the most from. This was a heartbreaking lesson for me. This made me realize that you cannot live your life for other people. You cannot wake up every day to make someone else happy, because even though their happiness feels good to your soul…. at the end of the day, you must satisfy your own heart’s desires. To avoid doing so can lead to a void in the soul.

30 years later, and I am finally realizing that life doesn’t owe me a damn thing. People will NOT appreciate you in this life. Some will, but there are many who will not. They may know what you bring to the table, but pride and egos hinder them from admitting these utter truths they know are self-evident deep down in the pits of their gut. Just because you have to accept an apology you never get does not mean you are less than. It does not mean you didn’t go above and beyond the call of duty.

So many base their sense of worth or value on hearing words from another’s mouth instead of self-validation. Looking in the mirror and liking what you see is worth so much more than hearing words come from another person who may not even be backing it up with actions.

All of us on this earth have a heartbeat. We are all alive, but some of us are merely breathing. I was just breathing for so long. I was breathing for so long that it hurt. It hurt to feel so much for others and worry about everyone else except myself. I realize now that I am much more useful when I take care of myself because it allows me to better help others. No one is going to jump out to sea for you to make you live your life. Sadly, you will find that sometimes the ones you are there for the most will eventually hang you out to dry when you don’t put them first. It is a lesson that hurts the heart and leaves permanent scars on the soul.

The beauty of this hard lesson is that life goes on. Life goes on, and once you jump out to sea and learn to swim in all types of weather, you will find that some people are not going to be happy for you. When you are bubbly and running around sprinkling happy dust on the rest of the world, there are others who are miserable inside and just want to piss all over your parade. It is a harsh lesson to stomach, and it’s the toughest pill I have ever had to swallow.

The world will not always share a kind and pure heart. Honestly, a lot of the world will stomp all over it if you are not careful. Here’s the thing, though. Karma is real. Life truly is the same concept as a garden. You reap what you sew. You can water the seeds of others, and if they open their spirits to the sunlight you share with them, they will grow too. They will be able to shade others when life gets too hot, and they will also be able to spread seeds of love so that the world can be a better place. On the contrary, there are some who will react in the opposite sense. You can try and help them sew a garden of fulfillment and grace, but their insides won’t allow this progression. This is not your battle to fight. This is not your burden to bear. What other people think of you truly is none of your business.

I don’t know much of anything these days, but here is what I do know. Life is hard. It is so much harder than I thought, and the other I get the harder life becomes. It’s all in how we handle it, though. At the end of the day, I have so much more love in my life than I have negativity. I can promise you too that it is best to follow your gut. Chase the dream. The Big Man will provide, I promise. Do not settle. Yet, do not envy someone else who is chasing their dreams if you are not. You are in control of your ship, and it it no one’s fault but your own if you are not happy with where you are in life. Change is hard, but it is necessary for growth. No great success ever came without failures along the way. Read Steve Harvey’s book Jump, and you will see what I mean.

I hope this inspires you to make this a life worth living, and not one where you are merely breathing.